Crap.

Okay, so I totally haven't updated in a long time. I have sushi pics, and some other failed ish recipe pics. Just being a lazy cunt. Sorry. One day I'll get this bitch up and running.

AFTER A MONTH HIATUS

BY THE POWER OF ZEUS, SHE LIIIIIIIIVES!

This weekend is general conference at church, which means on Saturday and Sunday, there are services for 2 hours each day. On both days, there will be a potluck after the service and I've volunteered to cook something to bring. I have a cookbook my mom gave me that has a bunch of friend and family recipes, so I flipped through it and found a great artichoke dip recipe.

I don't follow the recipe itself, I just kind of eyeball it.
What you'll need:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F
A mixing bowl (or rubbermaid container)
A small pan (I'm using a 7.6 x 7.6 in cake pan)
A whisk or something to mix and mash the artichoke
A can of quartered artichoke hearts (marinated or not, it doesn't matter)
Cheddar and/or colby jack cheese, grated
An ungodly amount of mayonnaise
Optional:
Ground ginger
Garlic powder or salt
Black Pepper
Hot sauce OR chili peppers

So here it is:

The first step is to throw everything into the bowl. First the artichoke hearts (make sure you don't let the artichoke juices get in the bowl. Kinda gross.) and then a heart attack size cup of mayonnaise. I use light mayo but I'm not sure if it makes much of a difference at these proportions.

Next comes the cheese. You want to put A LOT of cheese in there so that when you bake it, it's cheesy and ooey gooey and delicious.

Now if you choose to, which I definitely think you should, now you add the spices. I added black pepper, garlic powder, and ground ginger.

Mix everything together and make sure to mash up the artichoke hearts. The whisk was kind of a failed adventure, all it really did was suck a bunch of the dip into the middle of the whisk. So I just use a spoon and violently stab at and stir it.

Your oven should be at 350 by now. Oh, and by the way, my oven is way cooler than yours. In a weird...70s color way.

Now, right before you put it in, you can choose to spice it up a little bit. I put in a teaspoon of Louisiana hot sauce, which is pretty potent stuff, because I want my dip to have a little bit of a kick to it.

Transfer the dip from the mixing bowl to the small pan. I have really good (aka NEW) non-stick pots and pans, but if yours are older or not non-stick, use some Pam to grease the pan.

Now, stick it in the oven and wait about 10 minutes. In my new found free time, I decided to take pictures of me being generally retarded.

After ten minutes, pull the dip out and stir it, AS SUCH:

After stirring, go ahead and sprinkle some cheese on the top of the dip. Ooey gooey, here we come!

Cook for another 10 minutes. In the meantime, LOOK OUT HOW STOCKED MY FRIDGE IS!

I mean, only the right side is my stuff. And about 90% of it is cheese. And if you don't like cheese, get the hell off my blog. I literally put cheese on anything that's salty. Heart attack, anyone? However, if you take a look at the freezer, you'll be able to tell which side ISN'T MINE (I don't eat CRAP).

DING! The dip is done! Pull it out after it starts bubbling around the edges. It should look something deliciously similar to THIS:

After letting it cool off a little bit, you can transfer the dip to a bowl and let the double dipping begin! Hopefully, it looks as outstandingly tasty as this batch did.

Enjoy!

Tomorrow I'm making a batch of chocolate chip cookies and then a batch of white chocolate chip cookies from scratch, so there will be pictures. PROMISE. Have fun, losers.

Scrumptiously,

Hillary

Alright, just give me one more week.

I'll be back in Texas in a week and I'll be in my own apartment cooking REAL FOOD. OMG RLY? Yeah, so we'll get this baby up off the ground in no time flat.

I made an egg today.

Just fried one up. Didn't take pictures cause really...? It's an egg. If I did anything special to it, I'd have made a post about it.

The situation here is getting better. Though the man and I had a stern conversation in which he informed me that I aggravate him and that we don't click and blah blah blah, when he came home from being out with friends, we talked about our nights and joked around and laughed for the first time in so long. Maybe we can be friends after all.

Planning on giving the apartment manager my application fee today, then deposit and rent once I get the moolah.

Slowly transitioning into a life I might be able to love.

Hillary

Horrible timing.

I suppose I shouldn't have promised to update this blog so often. This time in my life is filled with bad moods, little to no money, and leftovers. My ex-boyfriend treats me like I'm a stranger, the conversations are kept short and even then, he doesn't act very interested. I stay home all day and wallow, coming up with new budgets and new ideas for my life now that I'm essentially on my own.

So when I'm usually in the kitchen cooking for us both, we're now living in awkward silence, losing our appetites and never eating with each other.

I should be moving into my own place in 1-2 weeks. Gimme a break til then. If I do create anything in the oven or on the stove, there will be pictures.

Thanks.


Sigh,

Hillary

I forgot to eat today.

SORRY! I woke up at 9:30 AM and stayed on the phone with my mom until 11 AM and then heated up some tortellini and that's all she wrote.

I don't think I'll be cooking anything tonight, but maybe tomorrow. I've lost my appetite mainly because of the [ex]-boyfriend/jerk who is still in my life. It's hard to be hungry when somebody's being a total ass to you, excuse my french.

In any case, each day that I cook, or don't cook, there will be a post about my day. Just so you know that I'm not dropping off the face of the Earth. And if I don't post, I'm probably traveling. California soon...yay?


I'm gonna go have a yogurt and maybe get dressed...it's like 3 in the afternoon.


Shamelessly,

Hillary

Can't spoil a dinner I haven't made yet!

Ah, pesto chicken and tortellini. I was introduced to this deliciousness in my late relationship (RIP) and ever since I've loved it. I have a thing for pesto, and here's the deal - you either love pesto and will eat it on any kind of pasta, sandwich, or meat OR you absolutely hate the stuff. Well, I just so happen to fall into the first category.

So here's how we make it. Maybe it'll become your favorite too.

Big ol' pot
5 quarts of water
1 tsp olive oil
Chicken
Buitoni Three Cheese Tortellini
Buitoni basil pesto sauce
Pasta drainer
Probably a big ol' tupperware container

Here's how I lay it all out.

Well, you boil the water and add about 1 tsp of olive oil to keep the pasta from later sticking together.

 

Get a nice boil goin' and then plop all the pasta into the water, stirring occasionally.

After about 7-8 minutes, the tortellini should have expanded and become soft. Cook to taste.

 

While all of this is going, your chicken should either be grilling, baking, or microwaving (if you're like me - lazy).

 

Fork up the chicken so it looks kind of shredded. It's not all that yummy when you have big blocks of chicken in the pasta, so the shredded chicken is the way to go. If you have one, put it in a big ol' tupperware container that has a tight-sealing lid.

 

Drain your delicious pasta in the sink and shake it til alllllll the excess water comes out.

 

 Now dump it in the tupperware with your forked chicken.

Take a fork or spoon and glob on the pesto. I usually do about 2-3 globs. This eyeballing method is actually a professional culinary skill, you just don't know it.

Seal the lid and make sure it won't fly off. Shake this puppy up until all the pesto is evenly mixed into the pasta and the chicken. It may take about a minute of shaking, but I usually dance to pass the time.

Open it up and BAM! You have pesto chicken and three cheese tortellini! Shovel into mouth immediately as it is most delicious when hot. You can eat it cold too, but this stuff will be microwaveable for days.

 

Eat up!

I'll be back tomorrow with either an omelet or some sort of breakfast food. See you then!

Selfishly satisfied,

Hillary

Product placement at its greatest.

BROWNIES!

I'm not incredibly original so I just made box brownies. They're Betty Crocker Fudge Brownies and oh how I wish good ol' Betty would give me money each time I make her food. All it takes is:

BOX O' BETTY
1/4 water
2/3 veggie oil
2 eggs
13 x 9 pan
Some PAM cookin' spray
and a bowl to mix it all up in.
I use beaters because I'm lazy.

 

I'm sure you can guess the next step: you put it all together!

 

 

Then you blend the crap out of it. Or spoon it, if you're not as lazy as I am.

 

Grease up your 13 x 9 and pour it evenly into the pan, leaving just enough brownie mix in the bowl so you can eat it and not feel like a total fatty. Lick beaters and spoons accordingly.

 

 

Stick that puppy in the oven.

I put it in for about 21 minutes, though the box wants you to burn it and buy a new box by leaving it in for 24-27 minutes.

 

 Et voila! You pull it out and stick a toothpick or something in it to make sure it's done, but not too done. This batch is perfectly ooey gooey!

 

Let it cool, and enjoy!

Upon making these brownies, I realized I haven't even had dinner yet. I was about to heat up some leftover chili but I'd really like to keep my insides from ending up in my pants. So, up next - Pesto Chicken and Three Cheese Tortellini!

Selfishly,

Hillary

The birth of greatness.

At this point, you're probably wondering why in the world I'd make a blog like this. You might be asking yourself "What would drive a person  to make such a pointlessly selfish blog and let the public see it?"

I'll tell you what.

On Valentine's Day 2010, my boyfriend and I split up. I still don't have the answers to all the questions I need to ask, but I put so much of myself into a relationship that he just threw away. Needless to say, I'm a little pissed.

So I've decided to just take care of myself and not anyone else. I've learn to trust no one but myself, believe nothing but my gut, and to always be my own top priority.

Tonight, I decided to make brownies. I still live with said Valentine's-Day-ruining-[ex]-boyfriend due to my own financial pickle, and despite that, these brownies are mine, all mine. I proclaimed to the world (a.k.a. facebook) "I think I'm gonna make brownies and not share." And so I shall.

I was speaking with my friend Arem who lives in California, and he suggested I just take pictures of the cooking/preparing process and make a blog called "I COOK AND YOU CAN'T HAZ ANY". I laughed my head off at the thought and brushed it off as a hilarious joke. And then it dawned on me.

It wouldn't be out of character for me to do something like that.

And thus, this blog was created.

So, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it. Brownie pictures are up next.


Selfishly,

Hillary